Today I was listening to the Diane Rehm Show on the way to drive some kids on a field trip. Her guest, Andrew Graham-Dixon, has just finished a book on Caravaggio which he had been working on for ten years. He was talking about Caravaggio's personality. He told a story about the artist in a restaurant getting mad at a waiter for giving him artichokes with butter instead of with olive oil, which is how the others were served in the restaurant. Graham-Dixon explained how it was actually a regional putdown by the waiter, and anyway, point is, Caravaggio exploded and smashed the plate into the waiter's face. From what I heard on the radio today, it seemed that this was not uncharacteristic of him, and that far from impulsive, these outbursts were very logical to him and warranted.
I enjoyed listening to the various stories from Caravaggio's life, and the author did an amazing job at depicting the whole man in the interview. In fact, Graham-Dixon explained how he grew quite an affection for Caravaggio, and felt emotionally connected to him in some ways.
It reminds me of what someone said about how if you truly know someone--inside and out, flaws, strengths, outbursts, passions, etc.--you can't help but love them.
BUT...I think it takes an extraordinary person to make the above statement true. Maybe you can appreciate where someone is coming from, and understand motivations better, but love? I must admit I am not there yet.
While listening I was impressed by Graham-Dixon's understanding love for Caravaggio. I was also imagining if you were the child of a man like him, the things that you would remember about him would be the drunkenness, the prostitutes, affairs, and violent outbursts. Any success in the art world or any other arena would be secondary or possibly not even considered.
(I had the same reaction when watching a documentary on 60's songwriter, Harry Nilsson. I kept thinking of his wife and children.)
So why is it easier to respect/love/admire someone removed from us than it is the ones within our own circles? Proximity? Trust?
It is difficult to apply the same amount of digging and detective work that a biographer does in our everyday lives. Impossible, really. We are constantly forming opinions of people based on our limited interactions with them. When you think about it, even living with someone, sharing meals, responsibilities, and a bed, our interactions are inevitably limited. We are not the other. There is no way we can know the infinite intricacies of another human being. I'm not saying don't try. But I am saying we need to realize our inability to know the other completely, and so to withhold judgment. Withhold labels and assumptions. Allow people their different sides--their "chiaro-scuros."
Just don't ask how this would apply to someone like Jerry Sandusky. That's when the above moves more toward the impossible for me. But he has a mother, right? Does a mother stop loving a child who makes such horrific choices? Some probably would. Others probably not. Which kind are you?
